Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 


Apparently, I am psychic.

At least, according to the unenlightened masses at Head Office, I am psychic. Why, do you ask, obviously not having paid any attention to the fine print beneath the caption? Well, the answer is simple. Painfully, aggravatingly simple.

The mall's winterwear kiosk was due to go in on October 29th. That was what Head Office has been telling us for months. (Since July & August, as a matter of fact.) That was also what the mall administration has been telling us that our Head Office has been telling them for months. Which is all fine and dandy by me. I like definitive, clear-cut dates to work with.

Today, in the middle of the afternoon, I receive a phone call. It's from my District Manager, who (by sheer blind luck) had a passing remark made to her by one of the higher-ups that our kiosk was going in this coming Monday. That's Monday, the 23rd--a whole bloody week earlier than anything we'd beentold.

The reaction of my District Manager was pretty much, "Um, WTF?" I shared the same reaction when she conveyed this information to me. A quick jaunt to the mall offices later, and our mutual thoughts were something along the line of: "I just need a plane ticket, a Head Office Appreciation pancake maker and an alibi."

So...yeah. Head Office decided to up the kiosk's arrival by a week, and completely, totally and utterly failed to inform me or my District Manager. Because, apparently, I'm fucking psychic and would naturally just pick up on those wavelengths.

I ended up spending the entire evening ripping apart and redoing schedules for the next 2 weeks, and trying to get in contact with everyone to let them know that it's all gone to hell in a handbasket. What further incites my wrath is that this has shredded anything resembling a social life for Mel & I, since now we've got to slap together enough people (read: us) to cover the store and kiosk's shifts simultaneously.

Visiting Toronto to see Ysa and the gang? Not happening.

Visiting Brantford to see Kevin, Donna & Gabezilla? Not looking good at all.

Having lunch with an old friend, which was planned over two weeks ago? Nope.

My next day off won't be until the week after next, and I think I'm going to be too damned exhausted to want to do anything. Bad enough I've already been having to endure a cold that's been kicking my ass for the past 2 months now...but my butt's already looking misshapen from that, I don't need Head Office grabbing a steel-toed boot and taking a swing or two.

I think what grates me more than anything is the seeming, unblinking way this entire situation is being presented. It boggles me that not a single smeghead at Head Office actually thought to confirm with us as much in advance as possible that we knew the change of dates. Plus I honestly don't think Head Office cares that no one bothered to inform us of these changes, and I'm pretty damned sure they're not going to apologize in the slightest for this. (Our District Manager, though, apologized on their behalf, but she unfortunately gets the same monkeywrench thrown at her too, since she has to rearrange her own schedule to help us out a week earlier than planned. So I'll accept her apology, but Head Office is still on my frag list.) And even worse, I'm betting this sort of thing will probably happen again next year.

So you'll have to excuse the seething anger as well as my absence. But do me a favour: if you happen to receive in the mail from me a bloodied pancake maker, please dispose of it accordingly and tell the police that I was hanging out at your place the entire night.

Today's Lesson: once again, we find that there is nothing I can possess on a social calendar that Head Office cannot take away.

Labels: magical changing kiosks, rectal-cranial inversion 07, this is why I've lost faith in humanity

posted by Phillip at 9:34 PM

 


Ah, Head Office. You make me laugh in a special kind of way--the kind that usually involves my forehead eventually crashing onto our cash counter as my rueful guffaws taper off into a rueful groan.

The company's been in the game now for 20 years. (How it's survived sometimes can only attest to either a glitch in natural selection, or proof that God has a schadenfraude sense of humour.) To celebrate this momentous event, they had a special promotional sale for all of our stores: everything was an extra 20% off.

The brand new, highly professional, ultra-swanky ceiling banners and sign toppers we had advertizing this glorious occasion thusly proclaimed:





So...how many times should you be seeing the letter 'n' in 'additional' again? Yeah: oops. Quite frankly, I'm amazed this made it all the way into our stores without anyone at either the printers or Head Office picking up on this. Hell, I'm chagrined to say the banners were up for a week in our store before I suddenly performed a double-take on that word. (But in my defence, I was expecting someone in the higher echelons to, you know, proofread the things they were sending our way.)

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some of the new Avatar episodes to geek over, and season 1 of Heroes to become addicted to. (Damn you, Kevin!) But before we go, let me deal grievous injury to the hearts and minds of all you Avatar fans out there reading this. When Mel asked me to find a terrible, horrible, no good very bad fic to read aloud/mock for her (she has peculiar bedtime reading preferences, what can I say?), I stumbled drunkenly along through ff.net and crashed headlong into a so absolutely not safe for work story. The result of which has culminated in more than a mere mockable story. This is epic. This is brilliantly ridiculous.

This! Is! Cock-Bending!!!

No, really, I'm serious.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3719839/1/A_Bender_of_Her_Talents

(On the plus side, this whole thing works great for reading if you narrate it sounding like either Dame Edna, or a really exasperated Basil Fawlty.)

Enjoy...

Labels: cock-bending, head office spellchecking for teh fail

posted by Phillip at 8:38 AM